A Pain in the Neck

Last week, during a particularly rough afternoon, I counted out how many days (72) and weeks (10) I had before I would be done with this cycle of chemotherapy. This week, those numbers are pretty much the same. When I went to my doctor’s appointment on Wednesday, my blood counts were too low to receive chemo. I got a shot of Neuopgen to boost my white blood cells, and chemo has been rescheduled for next week.

I had hoped with chemo I would be able to have more of a schedule and be able to plan a bit better but with my surprise hospitalizations and delays, that doesn’t seem to be the case. The good news is that PRRT may become available soon, so I am meeting with a doctor on Tuesday.

Also my personal life has been falling apart since October. It’s OK in the grand scheme of things, but something surprised me so much yesterday, I don’t know what to do. Yesterday I cried on the train, which I find very cathartic. (It’s grieving alone yet among people.) I want to run around in circles and rip out my hair (but it’s too short go get a good grip and so much is already gone) and then go out into the middle of the street and scream because that’s the only response that seems to make sense. Once my vocal chords are raw, and I am physically exhausted, then I would sleep for several weeks until maybe things made sense.