I usually take 12-15 potassium a day but my insurance won’t let me get a refill until Oct. 31. At this rate, I would have six per day. The doctor and nurse were trying to get me a decent amount but it’s a struggle. I know it will work out but I am extremely annoyed.
I’m trying to stick around until mid November but it doesn’t really matter. The Keytruda isn’t working so I plan to do hospice in mid November. I really want to make it through my boyfriend’s birthday, Halloween, and a few friends’ visits. Then I can go to hospice.
We are out of options. I am so sad. I don’t want to say goodbye to the cats. To the people I love. But I don’t have a choice anymore. I tried so hard to stay for just a little bit longer and in the end, I couldn’t. Everything hurts. My electrolytes are all messed up. I am going to try to stay as long as I can with electrolyte boosts but my body is dying and it is hard to keep up.
It’s also handy to die in November because that’s right before my disability stops paying. I know this is the best possible outcome, but I am sad. I don’t want to go but my body is giving up. It will feel good to stop hydration and postassium when the time comes.
Also our system is broken so my dying wish is that you vote for Warren or someone good.
Is there anyway that you can begin receiving home hospice services without having to go INTO hospice? They might be able to help you reach your goals and help in other ways. Home hospice services helped my mother finish a lot on her “to do list” and made life easier for her longer. No need to reply to this – just thought I’d mention it.
Hugs again.
So sorry Josie. I wish you comfort, no pain, a wonderful Halloween, boyfriends bday, time with the cats and many visits. Thank you for showing us how to live with courage. We will do our best to elect “someone good” next year.
You are in our thoughts.
Dear Josie,
I read you blogs from time to time, and while they make me so sad, they also inspire me. It’s strange how something like that is possible just because of a blog or an op-ed in the NYT, but i guess i just opened the paper on the right day and a chord was struck at the right time. I’m 36 and healthy. And i take it for granted like an idiot. But lately, when i’m lazy at work, can’t be bothered to eat right, snap at my boyfriend, or think i’m too tired to go to the gym or call friends, i often think of you and what you are going through. I think about how much you want to do all these things and can’t, and how lucky i am that i can, and that therefore i should. Your writing has made me less blasé about my fortune, less nonchalant about my life. I wish i could do something for you, to make it lighter for you, i wish that you wouldn’t have to say goodbye to the cats (that line made me cry a little). I can’t. But maybe it is nice to know that you have really shifted someone’s perspective, on the other side of the world (Holland), and that that change is permanent -even though no good can ever measure up against the infuriating unfairness and loss-maybe a little good came from your battle. I wish you calm and comfort and love the coming weeks. I will be thinking of you, and though we never met, i will probably always remember you.
Hi Josie,
I found your article via Google when I was searching about “cancer at 40” and it lead me to your NYtimes article about dating and death. I’m glad that you still found someone to be by your side. On your article, you said you discovered about your illness about 6 years ago. I hope you have done all the things you wanted in that span of time.
Why I’m here commenting in your blog is because I feel the same way. I think I’m ill but I haven’t seen the doctor yet but will do in the next few days. I don’t know what to expect but I’m bleeding inside. I only hope that I can be given more years to live. I have a wife and kids and I don’t want to leave them with nothing. Just wishing that I can work my ass off so I won’t be passing off my debts.
I’m still staying positive though, just like you did. And I’m glad I found your post.