When I told my mom today that the cancer had spread, she cried. She rarely cries. “Last Friday was better,” she said. She was visiting, and we’d gone to Mood Fabrics and I’d found a Latin Mass for her and one of my high school friends joined us for dinner. “I want to have more fun times with you,” she said.
Me too. That’s how I’ve felt through all this cancer news. I just want to keep having fun and enjoying life and the company of loved ones. I have been, for the most part, as much as possible, though the doctor today noted that with all this diarrhea since January, it’s a very poor quality of life. When I was feeling OK in December, my VIP hormone levels were around 100 or a bit higher; today and since I’ve been feeling so sick in January, they’re around 730. The scan news wasn’t good. The tumors are spreading. It is what I expected, giving how I’m feeling.
I am also in the hospital. I had been concerned when the bandages surrounding my port had smelled mildewy. I think water had entered the bandages, and I asked the at-home and oncology nurse it they would be OK, and I took the needle out on Wednesday, but yesterday, I got a fever and pretty bad chills. It passed, but when they returned in the evening, I ended up at urgent care, and the site tested positive for a bacterial infection. I’m on antibiotics. My potassium is also pretty low, so hopefully I can get a boost.
As for the cancer spreading, well, there’s not much I can do. Ideally, they’d like to control the tumors, but the radiation and the Dacarbazine didn’t help. There’s the new treatment that I’m a little pessimistic about, and a few other things before they run out of options.
I’m OK with letting go if this can’t be controlled. I’m tired. It’s been five years of ups and downs, and quality of life is very important to me. I don’t want to be a ghost haunting the remnants of my old life. Either way, things will be OK, for me at least. I’m looking forward to an end to suffering, whatever happens, though I am sorry to take leave of my life, which as been pretty great.
Hi I am not sure when your posting was made but I’m worried myself that I may have what you have. I see a doctor 03/29. I am hoping this doctor won’t mark me crazy. I been feeling alot of burning pain in my upper left part of my chest at first a lump which come and go so idk what to think. All I kw the pain ..well burning or whatever is so u abarable I can’t work or sleep. Hec sometimes it feels like it’s in my neck.im worried cause your symptoms is similar to mines. I’m 24. I hope u get well and better. Your story she’d some light on that I maybe going thru and what I may have to face.
Good luck at your doctor appointment. Make sure the doctor takes you seriously, and you find out what’s wrong. If it is Hodgkin’s lymphoma, it’s highly treatable. It’s less common for it to not clear up like mine, and it’s even more uncommon to have the rare cancer that I have now.